The rules of making a horror film

that's me çause i didn't find a pic without copyrights

© all rights reserved to Avigail Lapin Gera

1.The killer will never die the first time he is killed

2. And definitely not the second time.

3.  The characters in a horror movie will never have a cell phone, and if they do they will never have reception, and if they do have reception    the phone will die in middle of the most important sentence.

4. If the movie is set at sea, the first one to fall in the water will never know how to swim.

5.  Every house in a horror movie has a basement.

6. And in 99 cases out of a 100, it doesn't have electricity.

7. If the movie is about a family moving into a new house, the house is built on an old cemetery or the house was the scene of a horrible murder.

8.  If characters tells something about his plans for the future, or makes plans for tomorrow, or just says he will be right back – he will die soon.

9. If someone hears voices coming out of a room that’s been locked for ages, he will ask "who is there?" instead of running away.

10.  If a homeless person gives you advice, take it – they usually know what they are talking about.

11.   Boobs 1 – Every respectable horror movie will show tits.

12. Boobs 2 – A horror movie will never have a bra budget.

13. Boobs 3 – And those without bras will always be cold.

14. If the victim escapes by car, it will never have gas – it might run for a couple of feet and then stop.

15.If the victim escapes by foot – count to 3, he will trip and fall and the killer will get him.

16. If the victim is driving in the woods in the middle of the night it will only be a matter of seconds before he will hit a deer or a

woman's ghost or a child, then he will have an accident and the car will break down.

17. If in a horror movie there is a group of young people who are stuck in a cabin in the woods, they will never stay together (which is the rational thing to do) but split up – so the killer can have an easy time killing them

18.  If finally the victim escapes and meets someone, that person will:

1. not have a cell phone

2. stall the victim while trying to understand what he is saying

3. surely be killed within the next few minutes. The only thing that is certain is that he will never help the victim.

19. If the victim arrives at a small town, he will always stop in a gas station with only one pump and he will always meet there a sheriff wearing Ray Bans..

20. The victim will always be kind-hearted, and will always pick up weird hitchhikes.

21. If the villain is from outer space, you never see it as a whole – you will only see body parts so you can’t tell it’s a second-hand puppet made in china.

22.  In horror films you never see people eat. On the other hand, they do take a lot of showers and sleep a lot.

23.  Corn fields are very common locations in horror films – Hitchcock started it and Stephen king took it a bit too far.

24. In horror films the script is over rated and the plot is usually not that good either.

25.Horror films always have an open ending in case they’re successful.

26.  How to recognize a low-budget horror movie – the synopsis will always start with – "This is a story about six teenagers who find   themselves in the woods/train/deserted island, lose their way and there is serial killer after them".

27.  A horror film will always have a scene in a bathroom, in which – the medicine cabinet above the sink is closed by the person standing there, and the viewers can suddenly see someone else’s reflection.

28.   If a couple is having sex, it will be the last thing they do on this planet.

29.       The killer will never use a gun. He will always use a knife or an ice pick.

30.       The killer never runs – he walks. And somehow he  always  catches up with the victim

31.       When a horror film takes place in a school, the doors will always be locked and the school empty.

32.       The victim will always own a cat and will always think that the opened window is the cat's fault.

33.       When you need a phone to call the police you can never find it.

34.       When they finally find the phone you only hear “911, how can I help you?” and the victim dies.

© all rights reserved to Avigail Lapin Gera

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